Author's Note: Voting has officially started for the nominees. Let's see who did a good 'ol job.
Yay! The voting has finally kicked off. Albiet in Iowa, some of it is kind of quirky, and quirky things scare me and have a tendency to give me bad dreams. However, it's politics so that's expected. Before you continue, remember that winning a state doesn't necessarily bode well for certain candidates at certain times. There are many factors that go into how the rest of the country decides who it's nominee is, which means it's difficult for political forecasters to predict how it'll all end. Still, it's fun to pretend like we know what will happen.
1. Bernie Sanders
Bernie Sanders is doing something great. So far he is running the closest that we've seen of a successful grassroots campaign in a long time. He tied with Hillary, and that's from being behind by 30 points in the polls last year. At least, he thinks it's basically tied still. They technically gave the remaining delegates to Hillary, but that was via a coin toss....
That's not a joke. There were voting areas where people disappeared, so they literally flipped a coin to make up the errors. Chance had Hillary win all five times.
Not that Chance.*
But despite all this, Sanders is the real winner. Why? There are a lot of different predictions and opinions on why winning or placing a certain rank matters, but mine is simply that he did better than expected. He might have won Iowa. We just don't know because people literally vanished. And think how this makes Clinton's camp look. She's supposed to be waltzing to the nomination, and now she basically tied in Iowa and her chances to win New Hampshire do not look good. If she's dancing, it sure isn't a waltz. It's like she's trying to...whip and nae-nae or something...
...I'll go with "or something."
Either way, she is #FeelingtheBern. Someone who hopes to face him in the general election is...
2. Ted Cruz
Cruz had a different battle than Sanders did. There's no contest as to if he could out-publicize Trump (he lost that if you couldn't tell). This was the first test to see if he could out-campaign him. Publicity is a huge part in campaigning, but if that's all you do, it can only take you so far. He proved he can out-campaign Trump, at least in Iowa, and that's good for him going forward. Although, if he falls flat in New Hampshire, it would be reaaallllllllyyy awkward. Probably nothing could top that awkwardness.
Umm...alriiight....you know who is a little less awkward?
3. Marco Rubio
Now, I'm not just putting him in here because of his physique. But you can read all about that here. He got third in Iowa. Now while that might only get you a bronze in the Olympics, this could get him that cool gold stuff I keep hearing about. For him, he wins because Ted and Trump are the main targets, placing first and second respectively, while he still is getting support. The top three all scored in the 20's, so a third-place finish with this many candidates and this close of a race isn't the worst thing in the world. He is still a hope for you "mainstream Republicans" out there (whatever that means). Don't worry, he is still relevant, and his trajectory is looking pretty swell.
There you go, the three winners of the Iowa Caucuses. Questions? Comments? Contributions? Donations? Leave your thoughts below. There are still many states to go (by my calculations, I believe that totals 49) so don't get your knickers in a twist just yet if your favorite candidate isn't doing as well as you'd hoped...unless you're an O'Malley or Huckabee guy (or gal). Their campaigns are dead. Deader than anything that has ever died. As far as their campaigns go, there's only one thing left to do.
*sniff* They groove like gods.**
*If you don't know who Chance the Rapper is, Google him you dumb-dumb.
**Great album name by the way. Don't steal it, its MINE!
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Iain Coston
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